Wednesday, June 20, 2007

now you see it...

(the ugliest porch on the face of the planet)

and now you don't...
It's difficult for me to post these pics because that Before picture is just so hideous that it makes me cringe. Not that the During pic is a thing of beauty, but it's a step in the right direction.

You see, we have an otherwise decent 100 y.o. house that had been totally hacked by the previous owners. Slowly but surely, we've been working to undo their messes and then move forward to fix it up. This ugly porch, which is used as our main entrance, is part of a repulsive addition the previous owners slapped on the back end of the house, without any attempt whatsoever to incorporate it with the style of the main structure. Not only was it clearly done on the sly and not to code, but they used crap for materials. I swear, they went out of their way to use whatever happened to be available for ultra-cheap or free. That had to be the case, as I can't imagine anybody would choose to buy vinyl, aluminum, AND wood to use together as siding on one small wall (see Before pic -- and yes, the squatty stupid windows will eventually be replaced and the entire exterior will be re-done). And the layers...oh, the layers! Rather than plan a little beforehand or take a moment to FIX a problem, these guys would just slap layer after layer of cover-up attempts onto problems.

I do have to admit, though, that there has been good entertainment value in the previous owners' maintenance efforts. Like where the wallpaper was coming loose from a wall, so they stapled it back up. Or where they tried to connect PVC plumbing to copper by soldering it. (In case you're wondering, PVC looks much like a torched marshmallow when soldered.) When that didn't work, they used duct tape to connect the pipes. Duct tape for plumbing! Then there was the genius maneuver when they had a leak in a corner between the main part of the house and the crappy addition, where the fascia hadn't been secured properly, leaving a gaping hole. What did they do for that? Go ahead and guess. I'll give you all the time you need. Seriously, if you had a hole in the roof of your house, what is the most bonehead fix-it technique you can think of? Stuff it with a towel?! Yes -- ding ding ding -- ultra bonehead homeowner repair maneuver! Dat no worky so well.

This porch has been a major thorn in my side since the day we bought this place and I am delighted to see it in its current state. I truly feel that the big empty hole qualifies a home improvement. ha! For those of you who haven't been here, let me assure you that the rest of our living space is a million times more pleasant.

Anyway, tearing the piggy pit apart has been great fun for the past two evenings. Now we have to figure out how to put it back together in a new and hopefully waaaayyyyyy improved version. Yikes!
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Blogger pelee said...

Regardless of its cosmetic status, there are many of us who cherish this beast as a convenient portal to sharing so much good. I cannot even count the number of items I have left for pickup or have picked up from some generous soul. Just think: Christmas tree, hand-me-down clothes, costumes, audiobooks and games, event tickets, craft stuff, etc. It may be/have been ugly, but it sure is helping a lot of folks with the becoming invisible. So cut it some slack, will ya'? ;-)

Okay, seriously, let us know if you need more truck.

4:00 PM  
Blogger love2bhomeschoolers said...

Can't wait to see how you "put it back together in a new and hopefully waaaayyyyyy improved version"!

You guys are amazing.

6:32 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

ROFLOL! Although I bet it's not funny to you, it sounds like a treasure hunt of bad handywork. What a crazy do-it-yourselfer must have lived there. Can't wait to see the final results.

5:33 PM  

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