Urgent A.P.B.

A giggling gaggle of fiber fanatics have broken free from their Knitaholics Anonymous meetings this weekend. They have shown some restraint by staying away from the fairgrounds hosting the VT Sheep and Wool Festival, but are suspected to be prowling Connecticut. All non-knitters visiting the beach, fiber farms, yarn stores, and knitter-friendly backyards should approach this bunch with caution. They are armed with colorful thin ropes and pointy sticks, and are recognizable by the gleam in their eyes when they realize they can just pay by check later on. Be especially on the lookout for anyone who may try to lure non-knitters into their group, as their powers of persuasion can be quite convincing. ("Come on, Heather, come to knit nite. You don't knit? That's okay. We'll show you how. You can do it. Just look at this pretty yarn!") The public is asked to remain vigilant at all times and report any suspicious knitting activity, and especially any observations about the innocent small people in their care, who may be assimilated into their culture and are in grave danger of becoming addicted as well.